This past week has been extraordinarily challenging for me. I survived it. I want to share what helped me survive.

In mid-February I wrote on and on late into the night because my mind would not be tamed. One of the several essays I wrote was about an experience earlier that week, the 14th, that was not much to tell, but wouldn’t leave me.

At the house in the bedroom the light of a sunset filtered through oaks and venetian blinds. I was just sitting on the edge of the bed, watching. My son came in, told me about something happening with the Olympics, and then left to return to the TV in the living room. He came again, plopped on the bed, petted the cat, more information about the Olympics, left again. Meanwhile, the deep orange and red sunfired clouds did not change. Time was clearly passing, son chatting and coming in and out, me responding, and time was stopped, the sunset not budging, the sky not growing darker. I had a deep experience of all the activity on earth, all the comings and goings, the violence, the births the deaths, the dances, the breakups, the big games, all contained in a bubble, and outside that bubble, complete stillness. Time racing along inside, time not existing without.

I sat on the bed with this deep understanding.

A lot has happened since then. Hard demeaning taxing confusing lonely stuff. Irritating stuff: things not working, people disappearing, things stuck--I was 30 minutes late for a 45 minute appointment after work today. You KNOW that’s frustrating.

This week I felt fear and appreciation for the lovely frenzy of life. And now and again in the frenzy that large stillness returns to me, and I am at peace.