The Right Stuff reports that astronauts were rated not only on how capably they handled new and dangerous situations, but on how their vital signs reacted to such situations. I don’t remember the details. I packed the book yesterday. But one of the astronauts was highly admired because his vitals were steady no matter what. Another astronaut was treated with less respect because his vitals were all over the map.

I am more like the latter. I awoke this morning with my heart vibrating like a bird’s. I breathed as deeply as I could--but it wasn’t very deep. Fear has kept me from being as prepared as I might be. Others' doubts have enhanced my self doubt. I flunk the astronaut vital signs tests!

I remember that this is what I want to do. To explore, to trust my heart and inner wisdom when the community is pushing me toward the status quo. I don’t want a desk job, even though I am tempted by its acceptability, the loveliness of routine paychecks. (Really, at this moment, I just want to go back to bed with the covers over my head.)

A gold gummy star to panicked astronauts...

Somewhere inside me, I trust the beauty of the journey.

Meanwhile--back to earth--there’s an awful lot to do.