“I’m ready to pull a rabbit out of a hat
But I’ve got no rabbit
I’ve got no hat”

I wrote that some days back. My 4 months here are up according to the calendar and pocketbook. I’ve felt lost. I was supposed to have things figured out by now. Every time someone asked my plans, I gave a different answer. Not a problem unless you’re a landlady, or—well. I was getting to be annoying. And it’s been embarrassing. (Yes. I have plenty of ego left, for better or worse.)

I’ve stuck to following my gut, though, even while I was trying to come up with higher brain backup plans just in case, or just to sound normal. Following the gut has meant I haven’t known where home is or will be, but that’s part of the game. That’s part of what’s brought me back to life.

So. I keep on doing what I love doing: the shintaido, the writing, the walking, the shintaido, the writing, the walking. The stunning people encounters along the way. What both stimulates my appetite for life and feeds it. Follow it a little deeper here, a little differently there. Keep family and friends on hold. I mumble whatever comes to mind at the moment.

I know what I’m doing but I don’t always know I know what I’m doing.

Things are much better than they were a year ago. Meanwhile, today I see rabbits—a direction! Hat’s long gone—