A dream about substituting evidence--in front of God and everybody--is the first alert. Even in the dream you are telling yourself--wouldn’t the truth be much easier? Just face the consequences for the crime and be done with it instead of this complicated maneuvering?

You awake and think--you have been clear, honest of late, right? There is no crime, nothing to hide?

But your body tells you something different. Your brain and body are drenched with glue, barely functioning--and you have to dig deep to see what it is weighing you down so.

You are grieving.

You don’t want to grieve. You want to move on. So, this week you’ve posted cheerful blog messages. You’ve sent friendly emails. You’ve interacted with coworkers with awkward pleasantries when you just want to be left alone.

You’ve planted false evidence. And keeping up the front is such an exhausting effort.

But grief’s no crime. You can stop substituting the happy face for the truth. You can wear your times-are-hard face a while longer. That one will be clear. And chances are it’ll be easier to be with others, to look them in the eye. You will function more freely if you are not pretending so hard.

It is so much work to uphold the lie. So elegantly simple to be true.